What is Romantic Attraction?
The emotional pull or desire to form deep, affectionate, and romantic connections with others.
Understanding Romantic Attraction
Romantic attraction is not one-size-fits-all. Some people fall in love quickly, while others take longer. Some feel romantic attraction toward many people, while others rarely (or never) experience it.
Just like gender and sexuality, romantic attraction exists on a spectrum. Some common ways people experience romance include:
Alloromantic – Regularly experiences romantic attraction
Aromantic – Experiences little to no romantic attraction
Demiromantic – Only feels romantic attraction after a strong emotional bond forms
Grayromantic – Experiences romantic attraction infrequently or in specific circumstances
Polyamorous – Can experience romantic attraction toward multiple people at the same time
No one needs to feel romantic attraction to have meaningful, fulfilling relationships. Love comes in many forms—including friendships, family, and self-love.
Romantic Attraction vs. Sexual Attraction
Romantic attraction is different from sexual attraction—some people experience both, while others experience only one, or neither.
Romantic attraction can take many forms, including:
Wanting to date someone
Feeling emotionally close and committed
Experiencing butterflies or excitement when thinking about a person
Longing for romantic gestures like cuddling, holding hands, or love letters
Romantic attraction is separate from sexual attraction and can exist on its own. Some people feel strong romantic attraction but little or no sexual attraction, and that’s completely valid.
Romantic Attraction & Mental Health
Many people feel pressure to conform to traditional ideas of romance—whether it’s the expectation to date, get married, or feel a certain way about love. These pressures can lead to:
Confusion or frustration for people who don’t experience romance traditionally
Anxiety or shame for those who feel “different” from societal norms
Relationship struggles when expectations don’t align
By breaking the stigma around romantic attraction, we create space for all forms of love to be valued and celebrated. No matter how you experience romance—or if you don’t at all—you are valid.
Visualizing Romantic Attraction
Think of romantic attraction like music.
Some people hear love songs all the time.
Others only hear them under specific conditions.
Some might not feel drawn to love songs at all—and that’s okay!
Just like musical taste, romantic attraction is unique to each person. There is no "normal" way to experience love.
EXPLORING YOUR ROMANTIC ATTRACTION
If you’re reflecting on your experiences with romance, here are some guiding questions:
How do I define romance for myself?
Do I feel romantic attraction often, rarely, or not at all?
Have I ever felt pressure to experience romance in a certain way?
How do I feel about traditional ideas of relationships?
What kinds of connections make me feel most fulfilled?
There is no right or wrong way to love. Whether you crave romance, experience it differently, or don’t feel it at all—your experiences are valid, and you deserve to be understood.
